Illman (illman) wrote,

  • Mood:

Ramble, the source of stress

Slight frustration over needing a nap after having been to town in the morning. But it was without Provigil (simply because I had gotten up so late that I forgotten to take any meds before leaving the house) and without any caffeine. On meds, I'm not a morning person.

Finally, I got over my phone-phobic self and called work, telling them that Monday would be my last time. Another thing out of the way. That leaves ... well, that leaves a few things.

  • bus or plane? what to take?

  • buying tickets for bus or plane

  • check out London - Oxford bus plans on the internet

  • make a trip to the bank

  • search for backpack

  • figure out what to pack

  • figure out what to send

  • figure out what to package it in

  • figure out who will ship it cheapest

  • make (or get) a list of all my meds, their active ingredients, English (preferably UK names) along with dosage and my side-effects

  • get diagnosis written in a letter in English, preferably as diagnostic manual code

  • possibly buy jeans, stuff and shoes (stress, stress, stress)

But less stress with that than with all the bad memories of Oxford the first time. It was fascinating, interesting, horrible, most frustrating, frightening and terrible. Those first 8 weeks last year were a nightmare. I know starting college is hard for everyone, but out of control mental illness is off my chart for hard. If things get wildly out of control again and won't very quickly calm down again, that's probably going to be the end of my second go at college. If I'm up to it mentally and physically, that I'll know pretty quickly, I guess.

At this point, I can't help but notice that the stress is all self-inflicted. If I hadn't decided to go to Oxford, I wouldn't be sitting next to two crammed folders, three notebooks and a pile of assignement sheets (hell, I was in Oxford 10 weeks, when did I do all this?!), all I would worry about would be why I haven't managed to watch the latest two Stargate SG1 eps yet even though they were on a while ago.

Now, I have sufficiently gazed at the material to be stressed and have picked some Math problems to do. I need to de-stress. I know I can do it. It looks like an incredible amount. One huge folder and 2 full notebooks fo labs in 8 weeks. But I have done the work before while still doing a lot of other stuff like watching TV, doing NaNo, being online, hanging out with various student groups and generally not studying and not going to class. I need some TV while I do Maths.

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