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Illman
illman
19 December 2004 @ 11:14 pm
 
As this is my last day of lying in bed, according to my planning it seems to be the perfect occassion to think about the future for a bit. Especially since I don't feel like I'll be up and about tommorow any more than today. My head has been hurting the last few days, my joints still hurt and I'm out of painkillers. I don't want to be me right now.

At least this time I know what I want. I just have doubts about whether I can do it. Even though the eight weeks challenge was everything but easy, I want to go back. I like the environment and I like that there is plenty to learn around. The expectations are pretty high and so is the pressure. But my main problems during the last eight weeks were mental troubles related and were usually a direct result of emotional up or down or problems with meds that made it difficult to get the work done. I'm currently experimenting with a 4-med schedule, but the one that works best for one is a 8-med schedule with 2 meds for use when needed. That many meds bring of course problems of their own that are noticable in daily life. While I have fairly stable emotions on that med-schedule, it is hard to get under a minimum of 9 - 10 hours of sleep. For Oxford, that is a lot of sleep. Also, appetite killing and losing weight inspite of eating. Never thought that would be a problem but this holiday season I'm actually trying to put on some weight. Currently I fit into the clothes of my 13 year old sister which isn't so great.


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gledster2000gledster2000 on December 19th, 2004 09:39 pm (UTC)
You know what I'm going to say...
But if you want to go back to Oxford then you go back to Oxford. You are the only person who knows whether or not you are going to be able to cope with it. Be honest with yourself - can you manage another eight weeks? From the tone of your LJ entries it sounded like you were counting down the days towards the end and that is never a good sign.

On the other hand, what is a good sign, is that despite the medical problems, it sounded like you were having a good time. Unlike me you see learning as a challenge, I see it as a threat (because under the English educational system anything you've 'learnt' you can be tested on) and if you want a challenge, Oxford is the place to go.

However, if you want to go back that means doing the preperation work during the Christmas hols. Are you up to that now? It sounds as if you just might be.

As always it's up to you. I know that you will give it your best shot whatever happens so I'm going to finish by saying two things:

1) EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can fit into your 13 year old sister's clothes that isn't a good thing. Eat, remember to eat. Write the word 'Food' on the back of your hand in permenent marker to remind yourself, just please eat something (even if you don't feel like it).

2) Have a great Christmas and New Year. Despite the work and the thoughts, try and enjoy it. You've done well to manage 8 weeks so let yourself relax a little eh?

Edited: To make it make sense LOL
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Illmanillman on December 20th, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC)
First of all thanks for the comment.

Yes, I did enjoy Oxford a lot, in spite of the work and the problems that I had. In the end of the 8 weeks, I was just very worn out, my medication hadn't kicked in yet to work fully, so I had a lot of problems with illness and getting used to medication. So I just have to get clear on whether I can handle another 8 weeks or not, because as you pointed out correctly, I do enjoy learning and see it as a challenge.
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