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23 January 2005 @ 12:21 am
Ich lachte, war mutlos und hoffte neu.
Doch was ich auch machte, mir selbst blieb ich immer treu. (Elisabeth)

Today was not  a  good day. I was crying before I had even gotten up. My errants in town got cut short because all the people and the noise were me all edgy. At least I got the most important thing done: picking up the meds from the pharmacy and buying something to drink.

As result, I didnt get very much done today, except for some maths stuff. Its one of the days when I have the remind myself to see it one day at the time. All I have to do is get through to day doing the best I can. If that, like today, only goes as far as eating, sleeping, petting my sheepskin thingy (its not a rug, its the kind that you have lying around in bed), crying and dabbling at homework, then well, thats it. I cannot afford to think about the future, because then I start thinking that I cant do it for another week, another month, another seven weeks, another three years. At home I was a lot better, aside from the last week or so when I was doing a lot of school work and I was started to get nerveous about the exams. Stress is just something I  cant handle anymore. Oh I do suck.

But that doesnt matter now, getting through the rest of today does.

The evening meds kicked in pretty fast (the good part about not having been in the mood to eat - feeling a bit calmer now)
Current Mood: lonelylonely
(Deleted comment)
Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
Thanks,*hugs back*
Amberminttown1 on January 22nd, 2005 09:30 pm (UTC)
You don't suck. The one-day-at-a-time theory is very true.
Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 02:14 pm (UTC)
My suckitude is to be debated ;)But today, I might actually agree, it is before dinnertime and I'm done with everything that is due on Monday.

Taking it by the day seems to be the best way not to let anything get too badly out of control. Although I have to admit that I'm a repeat offender in the food ("Microwaving is for sissies.") and clothes department for sleeping in clothes. On bad evenings,I just don't care.
Amberminttown1 on January 23rd, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
Yay! We'll see if I manage that today. (I have issues with reading, and I have a lot to read today.)

Don't care. :) You're managing a great feat, and it's a huge accomplishment, regardless of clothing and food choices.
Evidence: fogevidenceshows on January 23rd, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
Don't ever forget how much you have already accomplished. Life is a struggle and your's has been ten times harder but you keep pushing forth no matter what odds are in your way. You have courage and strength. I admire those qualities greatly in you. You have already succeeded where so many would fail. Some days things won't get done like you want and things will seem to unravel but the next day or maybe the day after you'll be back on track. I have faith in you.
Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks, that was ... incredible. I don't really know what to say, except thank you for your words of encouragement.
kimberlychapman: Herokimberlychapman on January 23rd, 2005 06:21 am (UTC)
Oh I do suck.

Actually, you're one of the strongest people I know on LJ. I'm not even sure what your health condition is, but you're obviously going through something awful and yet day after day you persevere, doing as much as you can as best as you can. I admire that. I admire you.

Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
*blushes* thank you. Most days are okay, but some days I lose sight of all the good things and let myself get dragged down.
(Deleted comment)
Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 02:57 pm (UTC)
thanks, today looks better so far.
gledster2000gledster2000 on January 23rd, 2005 12:34 pm (UTC)
I was going to write something uplifting but evidenceshows has phrased it so much better than I could so I'm just going to say 'Ditto' and:

illman You're one of the most determined people I know. I would've given up AGES ago but you push on (as well you should). The one day at a time thing is the best thing you could do so stick with it.
Illmanillman on January 23rd, 2005 03:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Believe me, you wouldn't have given up either. It's human nature, we just keep on going because it's easier than standing still. We trip, we fall and we get up again and keep going whereever it is that we are headed.