Illman (illman) wrote,

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22 Days

There have been a few defriendings lately. I may not comment much, but I do read the flist. As for my journal, well I know it sucks. It's unpolitical, unopinionated and ex-fannish. It's very ego-centric, but then so are a lot of ljs. Mine is just pretty miserable at the moment. When I'm not at home, there aren't exactly many people aren't to talk about how much life can suck when you're mentally ill, on a long list of meds and trying to pretend that everything is just fine. I vent online.

Today, I tried, I tried hard, but it just didn't work out. I mailed a letter, went to the supermarket and did two Physics problems and that was it. I slept until  lunch time and then from around 2 until shortly before 7. The last few days had me question whether it's still going anywhere. No matter what, I'm staying for the next 22 days. I have no idea how, but taking it one day at the time, it will work out somehow. Can you be worried about yourself without being the worst egotistical bitch ever? In case you can't, I'm officially reserving the title, since I am worrying about my steadily shrinking interests. The TV love went down the drain at the end of last year, I have piles of unwatched stuff, not to mention all the DVDs I got from the parentals for Christmans and my birthday. Lately, reading fic has lost its appeal. It's not that fic has gotten worse, I'm not picky when it comes to reading fic, OOC doesn't bother me much and I'm open to most pairing on the shows I read. It's the same with my own fic. The 2nd part of the 4 part epic is about 2 paragraphs away from being finished about I can't seem to get them written. Not writers block, I just can't. I look it the page and the words don't make sense. It's like when I open the textbook, the words form sentences, but I can't parse the sentences. Instead I can spend hours just staring at the screen and doing nothing. I hope I'll write again once I feel better. I only started writing again after almost a year of not writing a word of fiction.

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