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17 February 2005 @ 11:37 pm
22 Days  
There have been a few defriendings lately. I may not comment much, but I do read the flist. As for my journal, well I know it sucks. It's unpolitical, unopinionated and ex-fannish. It's very ego-centric, but then so are a lot of ljs. Mine is just pretty miserable at the moment. When I'm not at home, there aren't exactly many people aren't to talk about how much life can suck when you're mentally ill, on a long list of meds and trying to pretend that everything is just fine. I vent online.

Today, I tried, I tried hard, but it just didn't work out. I mailed a letter, went to the supermarket and did two Physics problems and that was it. I slept until  lunch time and then from around 2 until shortly before 7. The last few days had me question whether it's still going anywhere. No matter what, I'm staying for the next 22 days. I have no idea how, but taking it one day at the time, it will work out somehow. Can you be worried about yourself without being the worst egotistical bitch ever? In case you can't, I'm officially reserving the title, since I am worrying about my steadily shrinking interests. The TV love went down the drain at the end of last year, I have piles of unwatched stuff, not to mention all the DVDs I got from the parentals for Christmans and my birthday. Lately, reading fic has lost its appeal. It's not that fic has gotten worse, I'm not picky when it comes to reading fic, OOC doesn't bother me much and I'm open to most pairing on the shows I read. It's the same with my own fic. The 2nd part of the 4 part epic is about 2 paragraphs away from being finished about I can't seem to get them written. Not writers block, I just can't. I look it the page and the words don't make sense. It's like when I open the textbook, the words form sentences, but I can't parse the sentences. Instead I can spend hours just staring at the screen and doing nothing. I hope I'll write again once I feel better. I only started writing again after almost a year of not writing a word of fiction.
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Roger Waters - Knockin' on Heaven's Door
Amberminttown1 on February 17th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
It's perfectly okay to worry about yourself.

Here's hoping things get better soon.
kendrathe_if_girl on February 17th, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC)
Hey, I know I don't comment much, but I understand. Just now I was trying to find a way to tell some close friends about codependency. I might still post to them, but it feels odd to me right now.

I started writing again, too. Just treat yourself well, and take it easy.
Settle down, Beavis: lantana bedchili_powda on February 17th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
It's not only not egotistical to worry about yourself; it's a life-and-death necessity.
gledster2000gledster2000 on February 17th, 2005 10:36 pm (UTC)
I agree with everyone here - you're more than allowed to worry about yourself, it's expected! Maybe you just need a new hobby to get your blood pumping? It is possible to grow out of things, so maybe look for something new? Sell some of your unwatched DVDs and buy a PS2, Xbox or GameCube and get into that maybe? (I know it's sad but it was the first idea that came to mind!)

Oh if only they'd get round to make a Without A Trace game.
Woodstocktrigeekgirl on February 18th, 2005 12:20 am (UTC)
You *must* worry about yourself. :) It's not healthy not to.
Evidenceevidenceshows on February 18th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
I think I'm just repeating what everyone has said here but if you don't take care and worry about yourself than you'll not be in a good place at all. Ljs are about what is happening in our lives and this is what is happening in yours. Never feel bad about talking about how you feel.
(Deleted comment)
(Anonymous) on February 18th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
Tiens bon!
Je ne te connais que par ton LJ et je te lis de temps en temps... J'admire ton courage et ta tenacite... On a de petites choses en commun sans que tu le saches... Alors je penserai a toi et t'envoie plein de bonnes pensees pour que tu saches que tu n'es pas seule dans les pires moments... Alors, tiens bon!!!