Illman (illman) wrote,

  • Mood:
9,401 / 20,000

Not bad for Day 6 of the challenge. I finished chapter 11 of Space Pirates, I just sent the email to my beta to ask her whether she will do it. She doesn't like the story as far as I know. I have toyed with the thought of posting my fic to LJ as well, but that would only be frustrating. The ficathon was frustrating enough. Aside from on, I don't get reviewed in general. It's hard not to get reviewed in the more popular fandoms on (Or as it seems it's also pretty much impossible lately at wraithbait *shrugs*) I don't know whether it's the plots or the writing or both. Actually I don't really care that much. Obviously, I'm having fun with the writing in itself.

The days are far to short. Between waiting to get into some kind of mental shape in the morning, studying for 3 - 4 hours a day, writing and keeping up online, I never seem to have time to get everything done. I still want to make a new icon for LJ and see what I can do about the sketch for a wallpaper that is on the back of my physics notepad.

So the to do list, sorted in order of importance:

  • study (integration revision, revision of differential equations, Q1 and Q7)

  • write (work on: Good Intentions CH4, Ep Tag fic, Space Pirates CH12)

  • watch ebay auction

  • clean up floor

  • shower

  • look for brushes CD

  • order 2nd copy of mini-Dante

  • borrow CD and rip it

Bah, I'm exhausted just looking at it. And I'm only awake for like 12 hours a day. I expect, I'll get down to the shower part before I fall dead into bed tomorrow.

The start of the next trimester has me going hypernervous. I'm trying to stay somewhat calm, as I'm doing revision and homework as well as I can (well, I still feel bad about not doing more, but then when it comes to doing it, it's always a struggle against exhaustion. Taking a nap is always more appealing than studying). Besides, the exams at the beginning of term cannot be really failed. Nothing happenes if I score below 40% again. The real exams are like 7 weeks after that. Not a lot of time, but I'm going to prepare as well as I can and see what happens. There is a possibility to retake. If I fail at the first try, I can always consider to retake or leave it at a try.

Maybe I'm sounding like a whimp, but I'm already crying when I'm thinking about next trimester. Not because it is going to be hard work, tedious lab experiments and little free time, I'm afraid of the evenings. Evening are never my best times, not even now, when I consider illness matters well under controll. I know that the eveningly sobfests cannot hurt me and that they are just a reaction to stress and pressure. It's just emotion generated by mental illness. If I could react differently I would. I also know that I can make it through eight weeks with many bad nights. Still, I'm scared of the bad nights.

Not having a very good night tonight.


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