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15 August 2005 @ 10:25 pm
I agreed to play around with the meds. Not that there is that much to lose. Sure there is all sorts of misery to be had, but there remains going back, which, again, I asked, is a possibility, if this doesn't work out. Because I do not want to be pushed from med to med like in the beginning. I am not expecting much from the new combination that we are about to try because we essentially have been there before, just at a different dosage. Still doc instists giving it a try at a higher dosage. Right now, I'm on 4mg Risperal, 600mg Topamax, 300mg Lamictal, 150mg Effexor, 100mg-400mg Provigil  plus my occassional Valium. Last year we tried to do without the Topamax, but by then I was at 50mg Lamictal and Geodon instead of Risperdal. That did not work. On the upside, I did not wake up groggy and with a headache, like I do on Topamax and the exhaustion was much better, but my behaviour and emotions were not under control. Skeptical about all this. Not all amused about the dosing down either. That's never fun. I vividly remember the mood swings, sweats and the tremors. Since I didn't agree to the hospital stay I get to have that pleasure at home. At least this time, I have some good drugs to deal with the effects. There is Valium (although I'm not taking any for a week, now at four days. Trying not to get addicted, so not using regularily.) and now again the blue stuff, Lorazepam. Not dealing well with all this.

The whole med thing is majorly stressing me out. A lot of it is being scared of losing control.

I saw 'Elevated' today. I didn't get the point, except that I had the impression that there wasn't anything there to get. In fact it didn't play out too surprisingly, even the ending, giving it all an irreal touch was foreseeable. Most elements were pretty generic from the horror genre. But it did okay with the elements and while the plot was certainly not the most original, it was very well excuted. Except for the blood. That had me nearly laugh. There was just too much of it. It was pooling, dripping, staining and soaking. Especially the blood dripping down the walls did me in. Still glad to have picked this up more or less accidentally. I rented 'Cypher' (still haven't finished watching that) and among the stuff on the DVD was 'Elevated'. Will watch it again with the audio commentary. Maybe there was some point to get after all ;)

Heh, after watching some of the audio commentary, I got to the bit where the director said 'I wanted a lot of blood' lol
Current Mood: stressedstressed
mikasteelelelloxbastetxo on August 15th, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
That's a lot of meds to stress out about. I'm on about that many or more. Can I ask what you're taking them for?
Illmanillman on August 16th, 2005 10:38 am (UTC)
I take them for schizoaffective disorder.
mikasteelelelloxbastetxo on August 16th, 2005 10:07 pm (UTC)

That's a lot to keep up with. My brother had issues with bipolar.

gledster2000gledster2000 on August 15th, 2005 09:32 pm (UTC)

You're doing great illman. Though I've never heard of either of those DVDs. You'll have to elaborate for me.

Another question - if I was to do something completely out of character and visit Germany, would you be able to show me round your little part of it? :)
Illmanillman on August 16th, 2005 11:07 am (UTC)

'Cypher' is a very low key sci-fi movie about industrial espionage, in a world ruled by gigantic corporation. The movie has little action and the future world (which is technologically rather like our own) is very minimalistic and bland. It's very well done in the visuals, except some of the special effects look a bit cheap but it's a low budget movie, so that's kind of a given. The plot is very complet and I think that's where they were a bit overambitious. It all makes sense in the end, but until then it's rather confusing and at least for me it was not the kind of confusing that kept me guessing, it was the kind of confusing that was getting on my nerves because I felt like the plot was lurching around aimlessly. It's better on the second viewing or after viewing the audiocommentary. On there, the director talked about the meaning of some scenes, that I thought were just too subtle or complex. I rented 'Cypher' over the net and on the DVD there was various extra stuff. The usual, making-off, etc. and the 20 min short film 'Elevated'.

Sure I could show you some of the sights in my area. Well, I don't drive, so that would limit things a bit, but other than that, what can be explored otherwise (and that is quite a bit), would be no problem.
kimberlychapmankimberlychapman on August 16th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
The whole med thing is majorly stressing me out. A lot of it is being scared of losing control.

Understandable. It sounds very stressful. *hugs*