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03 March 2006 @ 11:07 pm
It's been a while and I finally feel somewhat human again. The last few days were pretty evil. Made some changes to the meds and that's usually not good in the beginning. Also, I'm coming off Valium, so withdrawal is adding to the misery. But I had worse from other stuff. I just wish I'd get some decent sleep again, preferable during the night. Without Valium, the whole sleeping thing has gotten very messed up.

In other news, I got the eval, to my great surprise. When the doc called me on Monday to drop by in the afternoon, I thought he was going to tell me that he wasn't going to write the letter. Turned out that he needed me to do the translation into English. I'm not happy with what's in the evaluation since it does not say that I'm fit to attend university. On the other hand, it says that I belong in a long term out-patient program. That is not what I had in mind (and not what I plan in doing.) Since the psych hospital stay, I'm trying to stay as far away from psychiatrists as possible. I have to go occassionally to get my meds refilled and I can't get out of that, but I'm not doing another hour of therapy in this decade.

Also, I got another letter from social services telling me that I have the appointment I have requested. Only that I didn't request it. Doc has been bugging me to call the social worker about the rehabilitation and job training program, but I haven't done so and have no intentions of ever doing so in the future. I didn't think she'd go as far as making an appointment for me. For the social services rehabilitation program, I'm supposed to do another congnitive assesment. I don't think so. I already know that my brain isn't working as well as it used to any more. The last assesment already said that. I'm starting to think I'm paranoid for a reason. Truth is I don't have the time to deal with any of this crap. Things are going pretty well at the moment, aside from the slump the last few days (but that was more physical than mental), and I'm busy with my studies and generally catching up on things life related.
Current Mood: coldcold
Evidenceevidenceshows on March 4th, 2006 02:01 am (UTC)
It's good to hear from you. You are in my thoughts.
I'm Jack Sparrow's jar of dirt. [Don't touch me!]: touchninnui on March 11th, 2006 10:12 pm (UTC)
I hope you are good at the moment...?! I'm sending you good thoughts! *flausch*
Illmanillman on March 13th, 2006 11:25 am (UTC)
Thanks! Mentally I'm doing pretty great at the moment, phsyically pretty run down. I could use a vacation from my body.

Reality keeps kicking me to the curb. Parents, social workers and doctors seem to think that I'm not up to much. Stuff about more assesment, not being able to live alone. It's not like I was starving the last time. (true that I was living off soda and protein bars.) I'm ignoring pretty much everyone. Might account for my good mood.

I'm pretty stumped about the future. I'm going to college and there is no doubt about it. I never give give up, despite being a passionate pessimist and cynic ;) The online university is going fine, but it's very dull. During my last Oxford adventure, I cried almost every night, but I can do that again, after all - Illegitimis Non Carborundum. No, I didn't take Latin in school, I took Ancient Greek, so much more boring ;)

What about you? It's the semester break, right? Any plans? How are the fannish projects spinning?

I'm Jack Sparrow's jar of dirt. [Don't touch me!]: Beckett_optimistninnui on March 14th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
Ignorance is beauty! Keep it coming :) Parents can be helpful, but sometimes they just aren't!

I don't know whether you read it - I failed to get one Schein and now I'm not able to make the English intermediate exam this semester :-/ This is, in short, not good. I have more time to learn now, though - this semester it would have been very close. Now I'm still waiting for the result of the Sociology intermediate exam which I wrote two weeks ago... nothing yet. ^^ I have muuuuuch time!

Illegitimis Non Carborundum I could fetch my Stowasser now, but I'll ask you ^^ What does that mean? I could only guess...

Good luck on the body-mind-balance-front. *hugs*