Sara and Judith: Hey Illman. It's not fair that all you ever write about are Sam and Jack and their 'ship.
Judith: Whar are you complaining about? At least she wrote something about you and that old dude.
Sara: Old dude! Like Robert is so much younger. And her story was just getting to the good part: Grissom was about to tell me something important, when you just stopped writing. That's not fair. At least write the last chapter. I want to know what Grissom was about to say.
Sam: It's obvious why Illman doesn't write about you.Judith, you got cancelled in 1998, they didn't even show the entire second season. And Sara. your 'ship been frozen solid for over a year.Maybe you should find a new hobby.
Sara: What hobby? I have no life outside work. Look at what happened the last time I tried.
Judith: Tell me. I wanna know!
Sam: Nooo. Not the story of Hank again. You got to develop better taste in men Sara.
Sara: You had Keller. And Dr. Fred.
Jack: You still with Keller.? If Illman writes him into the story...
Judith: You and that story of yours. You're just dancing around each other. It's over, he said it. Sam, you better believe and move on.
Robert: Yeah, as over as when you told me it was over and then freaked when I went home with the DA.
Grissom: Slow down. You're cheating on Judith?
Judith: No he's cheating on his wife with me and cheating on me with the DA.
Sam: Jack?! Who's our DA?
Illman: If I may interrupt. The DA is in the story, but you've got nothing to worry about, Sam.
Judith: Still.They have nothing going and they get a story. And he doesn't even cheat on her with the DA.
Robert: I would have apologized to you if we hadn't been cancelled.
Judith: Then why doesn't Illman write it? That would make for a good story.
Illman: First, nanowrimo with Jack and Sam. They got angst and chemistry.
Judith: But no hot office!sex. Jack is trying to get back together with his wife as far as I know.
Robert: So did I but the shows writers just made my wife dissappear in the second season. Suddenly, I was living alone.
Jack: Your wife went missing?!
Robert: I don't know. I only saw her twice, but she kept calling me.
Jack: That's how it started out with me as well. But glad that you don't get to see her.
Robert: I am. But she dumped my daughter with me. One day I came home and Anna was there.
Jack: God forbid Maria ever does that.
Illman: Be quiet, or I might actually write that. Robert, I'd write a get back together withn your wife fic, but you so don't have chemistry with her.
Judith: Then make him dump that bitch and come to his senses.
Illman: First things first. Jack and Sam, you can be quite, you already got a nice hug and will get another one at the end of the story, if you are quiet now. Sara and Grissom,you still there? Good. If your shows starts picking up again and I finally get around to watch, I'll think about you two for a while. Judith and Robert, I might get you two a guest appearance in a fic. After all, Judith, you're already in NYC.
Judith: I came back.
Illman: I think you left again. But ZDF showed all eps out fo order, so I might just send you back. Makes for better fic. But you need to improve on your english, I'm not writing that german-english-thrown-together-slang that you speak.
Judith: You should listen to yourself. Who can't count in English?
Illman: That's not going to get you into the fic. I think, you might actually like Martin.
Sam: Hey. She can't have him.
Illman: You can't have him either. And Danny, before you ask. No. And now back into your fic. I will write some of you tonight, if I ever finish here. But watching will have wait.
All: What you haven't been watching?!